"Are you saying I'm not worthy to receive communion anymore? Just because I got married in a way the Church doesn't like?"Yes, this was a real conversation, and, yes, I agonized over the answer. Whenever someone who is upset puts forward a question that is loaded (or forces a false dichotomy) I agonize over it. I agonize because, to someone in that frame of mind, it sounds like I am attempting to make up an answer off the cuff. In truth, that question is impossible to answer without qualifications.
First, look at the point of concern: "worthiness". Let me ask that question in a universal manner: "Who is worthy to partake of Holy Communion?" We all know the answer, do we not? We recite in every Mass "Lord I am not worthy..." Have we ceased to believe those words? It should be clear to us that no one on Earth is truly worthy. We all need the grace of Christ to make us worthy (the liturgy for the Mass points this out multiple times). Therefore, we have to restructure the question: "Who has cooperated with the available grace to make themselves worthy to partake of Holy Communion?" That is the proper question. The answer is going to depend on each person.
Let us take just the example from the comment above. If you are a Catholic and have gotten married outside of the Church without permission, then your marriage is not valid; in other words, you did not cooperate with the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage that the Church offers and chose instead to pursue a marriage covenant on your own terms. If there is a prior marriage that was not annulled, then that is one more grace that you have not cooperated with. When we do not take advantage of the grace of Christ offered in the Church's sacraments and disciplines, then we cannot say that we are "in a state of grace". It is not a very complicated issue, but many still miss it.
If you find that you are not "in a state of grace" and you want to be, then that means you must remedy your disobedience with obedience. Many today, however, do not do that. Instead, their reaction to discovering disobedience is to continue with another disobedience. When Jesus tells us that we must do whatsoever He commands (and He often does!), then that means that if we have not obeyed, then we deal with our disobedience by doing what Christ says to do when we have disobeyed. Not surprisingly, the Church has a means of grace that is designed to be used precisely in that circumstance. We call it the Sacrament of Confession. So then, once more in summary: you are supposed to obey what Jesus says, and if you do not, then you are supposed to obey what Jesus says to do when you disobey.
For one to assume that disobedience can be followed by another disobedience and have no consequences is to ignore completely our Baptism and the call to holiness. I wish that I could have a quick way to answer that question from the beginning of this post, but the false assumptions that go along with it make it too difficult to do so. It is disheartening to have someone put up walls in his mind to protect his sins, and to prevent anyone else from helping him to overcome them.
Whenever someone presumes upon their own worthiness, and becomes resistant to any criticism, he is opening himself up to deeper and deeper pride. He is becoming someone who will not hear spiritual admonition when he needs it. Contrary to popular opinion, it is not a bad thing to seek humility and to begin with acknowledging our own unworthiness to receive the Sacrament of the Eucharist. For, this is the only way that we can truly see what that unworthiness entails, and then we can actually do the work to overcome it. This is what it means to cooperate with God's grace.
