When I was about 15 years old, I remember getting a friend mad at me. She had worn a t-shirt to school that day that had a logo of some rock band on the front of it. When I saw her coming over to speak to me, I noticed the logo, and looked down to see it (a natural response, correct?). For some reason, she assumed that I was not looking to read the words on her shirt, but rather was staring at "something else". Try as I might to convince her otherwise, she did not believe me, and it caused a rift between us because she said she did not like "being gawked at".
Regardless of my innocence in the situation, think with me about it for a moment. If she did not want someone to look in the direction of her chest, then would we not all agree that she should not wear something that draws people's eyes in that direction? Yes, I would agree completely that men need to learn to control their eyes (Matt 5:28), but we all agree that controlling your eyes these days feels like you are a bull in a china shop (every direction you look there is danger)? So, although I am not letting the guys off the hook for their need for self control. I would like to present the idea that maybe the ladies need some self control as well.
Now, in spite of the fact that there are numerous women who genuinely want to be viewed as "sex objects", I know that Catholic women (at least the majority of them) do not desire this at all. Yet, a very wise older lady once said to me, "most women have no idea how much their clothing tempts men's minds to wander into lust". I am going to guess that the majority of women would be shocked to find out how much temptation they actually cause in men (often by clothing decisions that seem to them to be "perfectly fine").
Am I being sexist to say that women need to think about their part in this issue? What about how they dress? There is nothing wrong with women seeking to make themselves beautiful. Yet, what is their real goal in that effort? Would they like it if men looked at them and said "wow! you're ugly"? Probably not. So then, do they want men to see them and not think they are attractive? And if so, how do they want men to respond to those feelings of attraction? One type of attire can encourage a man (who has self control) to say "she is a pretty lady", and leave it at that. Another type of attire can encourage a man (yes, even one with self control) to say "she is a pretty lady" and then have his mind wander (you know where).
I am not about to set a rule and say "this much exposed skin is OK; and this much is not OK" (though even St. Peter's Basilica in Rome has done this very thing!). I do, however, want the ladies to realize that they are all much more beautiful than they realize. Also, they should be aware of the fact that certain behaviors (like bending over to pick something up when they are wearing a low cut blouse) can be very difficult for those men who are seeking purity of heart. Dress beautifully, yes, but please consider whether you are also creating a temptation (that you are likely not aware of) that could have been avoided.
If a woman knowingly tempts someone to sin by what the clothes that she is wearing (or the lack thereof), then you cannot be considered innocent in the man's lustful thoughts. When we ignore these kind of things they always turn around to bite us. Worse yet, when we claim we have a "right" to them because we want to "be comfortable" then we usually find ourselves on the bad end of the deal. It may take a while, but bad choices lead to bad consequences.
I find it kind of remarkable how years ago we heard Hollywood gloating and mocking the Church over sexual scandals that popped up (while they continued to encourage sexual promiscuity and immorality), and now it is being slammed with its own scandals. Ladies, you are beautiful. Any man who seeks purity of heart will know that already; you do not need to try to prove it with revealing too much. Show us your beauty in a way that encourages holiness in heart, mind, soul, and body.
