Walking through the grocery store the other day, I saw a couple of teens that were a perfect example of what most people would consider "teenage rebellion". I had the sad thought about what their parents must be feeling; I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt that they actually did care (many today do not). We all know these types of children; we see them regularly and anyone with a concern for someone's eternal soul will agonize about it.
There are other categories of children. There are the ones who have troubles, and they regularly go back and forth through the cycle of rebellion-repentance-depression-normalcy-rebellion-etc. Most families have at least one child like this. They can usually be identified because they are not too good at covering up their problems in the long term. There are also those children who have an occasional struggle, but are generally what we would consider to be devout and holding their faith.
There is, however, one more category that is not as widely known. There are children in Catholic families that, for lack of a better phrase, have figured out how to work the system. I have seen them many times, and these are the ones that I worry about the most (even more than those in the first paragraph who are in open rebellion). You see, the rebellion of this category is hidden and many people do not see it. In fact, their parents are often the last ones to see it. Out of the natural desire to see their children do well, parents will often put all the weight on their children's good behavior and rarely ever peek into their hearts to see if it is sincere. These children know this and take full advantage of it.
When a child has degenerated into this behavior, it is because something has happened to their hearts that draws them away from Christ; and it probably happened long before. Hypocrisy (for that is precisely what it is) does not show up over night. It is most often a planned attempt to cover up a deep-seated evil that the person knows is wrong and does not want to get caught in. These children will often look "faithful" in general terms. They still attend the Mass with their parents (when they cannot come up with an excuse to avoid it), they ask religious questions, and will even participate in prayer. This is because they have learned how to mimic these actions while their hearts are far from God.
It is not hard to figure out how to say the right words and make the right actions. Children raised in Catholic homes are frequently around it quite a lot, so they have multiple examples of it to copy. All the while, they are ready to bail on the faith in a moment as soon as they get the opportunity (which usually comes when they finally get out on their own). When this happens, these parents are quick to say "we never saw it coming". It is, of course, hard to look into anyone's heart, and only the Lord knows a person's heart perfectly. The signs of hypocrisy, however, are easy to spot (even if the specifics are unclear).
Sadly, these children have learned how to put on a show; they are hypocrites in the deepest way. The reasons that they choose this path will vary, but generally it comes from an event where they open themselves up to some kind of doubt about the Christian religion (parents who are not in complete unison about the faith is a common cause today). They often have some semblance of faith, but it is severely weakened because they are seeking selfish pleasure first. What little faith they have is often just enough to blind those around them to what is really going on deep in their hearts. They are often just biding their time until they can be out from their parents' authority and be able to "come out of the closet" about their denial of the faith.
It should be obvious to all that there is only one way to deal with this type of problem. Parents must win the hearts of their children. It is easy to win their behavior (outwardly forcing them to comply), but getting their hearts is much harder. It takes a lot of self-sacrificial love that shows the children that the parents really do care. It takes a lot of talking things over, and reaching out to the children before they start down these corrupt paths. If you find that your children have already gone down this path, they can be brought back, but it is not done with just a few firm commands to "snap out of it". What it takes is protecting them from what will pull them away, and staying close to them with a loving authority that is willing to pull them back from the edge.
Of course, pray for your children; of course be wise and clear in your leadership (and never, never, never, try to be their friends before being their parents). It is not easy to do, I know, but you must prove to your children that nothing else carries the importance that they do for you. Your job, your income, your personal pleasures, your comforts and conveniences; all these you must be willing to sacrifice in order to show your children what really matters to you; their eternal salvation. God never said parenting would be easy, and if all we do is a bare minimum, then we cannot expect to lead our children to Christ.
