Back when I was a protestant pastor (Presbyterian at the time) there was an instance after one Sunday service that I will never forget. My children were 7, 4, 3, and 6 months. My wife Catherine sat in the pew by herself with all four of them, since I was always up front leading the service. A parishioner came to me after services and said, "OK, I've gotta ask it. How does your wife keep all four of your children quiet through the entire service?" (you need to understand this was a traditional Presbyterian service; not 50-60 minutes like many Catholic Masses, but closer to 90 minutes with a 45 minute sermon!).
My response was simple and straightforward (since we had been asked it many times before). "I just do what it says in the book of Proverbs". He stood there staring at me as though I had just told him that I received a message from aliens on the planet Venus. He clearly did not believe what I was telling him. Finally he spoke, "No, really, I want to know." I quoted a few passages to him as examples, and he acted like I was insulting him with a fake answer. I never did convince him of it, and it has been the same for many other people that I have spoken to about this same subject.
To this day, I am saddened that so few people believe me when I tell them this. It is as though they think that it is just too simplistic to be true. I do, now as a Catholic, have the added advantage of being able to refer to the book of Sirach (Sirach, also known as Ecclesiasticus, was deleted from protestant Bibles back in the 17th century), but it has not had an apparent change in people's responses. Most seem to be looking for a magic trick, or some sneaky ploy that we press upon our children to fool them into behaving properly. It appears that the idea that God's written word has an actual set of guidelines for parenting is just too hard to believe.
Let us face the facts here. The parenting methods of the last 75 years have completely failed; they do not work; they cause more problems than can be resolved; and have led countless souls (of both parent and child) away from God (and possibly into eternal hell). It is time for something old. Yes, you read that right: "OLD". The older way of doing things was perfect -- God's way of doing things is always guaranteed success. His ways never fail, it is we who fail to follow them consistently. The failure is always in us, never in what God has said. When we do not follow through with something, or we choose our own path, then we fail (remember the story of Adam and Eve -- they sort of displayed for all of us the paradigm of self-will).
Someone may say, "then please just outline for us what the book of Proverbs says". Here is an outline: Proverbs chapter 1 through 31. In other words, you need to read the entire book, not just little excerpts. It needs to be read regularly, so that it can become second nature to your thought process. Yes, it would be helpful to have a guide in it (that is what priests are for anyways), but many of the basics are simply straightforward and can be understood by any parent. You just have to do them; and that is the hard part. In fact, it is harder for parents to implement God's guidelines than it is for the children! As parents we get lazy, we let things slide, and look for a way to compromise the rules. That is what leads to the behavior problems that most Catholic children have.
The book of Proverbs says right at the beginning the words, "hear, my son, your father's instruction" (1:8). It is clearly aiming at teaching children. The book of Sirach begins chapter 2 with an admonition to "my son" on how to deal with temptation (2:1), and then continues this train of thought throughout the 51 chapters. If this is what we call the "wisdom literature", why do so few people seek wisdom from it? Whenever a parent steps away from God's word in the raising of children, it is a guarantee that problems will arise. Those problems will create temptations for the parents. Those temptations will always lead to even worse parenting habits (compromised morals, lack of discipline, etc.).
In summary, I can put it this way: a lack of wisdom regarding the godly manner of parenting leads to bad parenting; this in turn leads to bad discipline (or a complete lack of discipline by compromising God's law); this, then, leads to anger in the parents at how things are not going well; the outcome of that is some form of abuse (mental, emotional, or physical), or a complete neglect of godly instruction. When this occurs it always leads to even more bad parenting (it is a perpetual cycle). It is possible that some parents hit on some of the right methods without actually drawing them from Proverbs or Sirach, but that will often be somewhat haphazard rather than clear and organized (and it rarely remains consistent).
Is it difficult to do this? Of course it is. I never said it was easy. I will say, however, that it is easier than the alternative. God's word guides us in learning what it means to avoid temptation and gain self-control. Only when we are on that path, can we as parents guide our children down that path. Furthermore, when we do guide them down that path, we find that they are able to find a genuine joy in obedience, not merely a tolerant acceptance of it for the sake of maintaining peace. In doing this, we and our children, can "understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God" (Proverbs 2:5).
