Occasionally, I receive emails regarding my blog posts; some encouraging, some less than. For those less than, I always consider their points and look to see how I can improve. For those who encourage, thank you -- you are in my prayers as well. The contrast between the two reminded me recently that even the clearest and most obvious things can be misunderstood. Even when I attempt to give someone the benefit of the doubt and presume that they do not really mean what they say, I am not always successful in communicating Catholic truth. Not only did these recent comments remind that I had not posted much recently, it gave me inspiration to move ahead with something I have been wanting to speak about for quite a while.
As I have said many times before, the family is under attack today, and one of the ways that attack comes is in the area of confusion. What I mean by this is that the devil is sowing confusion both about what the family is, and how it works. At the request of my Bishop, I have been writing a series of articles in the Ordinariate Observer (the official magazine of the Ordinariate) on the family. I have a deep concern for the restoration of the Catholic family (and not just because I am a married priest). The older I get, the more I see how hard it is for people to see God's purpose for the family and this leads me to want to work even harder to bring renewal to families.
Another realm of terrible confusion is the priesthood. Even aside from all the foolish reformulations of the priesthood ("manager", "spiritual psychologist", or "CEO"), there are many who are completely confused about what a priest really is. Sadly, even many priests are misled about what is involved in the calling to the priesthood. This makes it even harder to correct the problem since so many people are living with the assumption that what they were taught was correct, so when I try to point out authentic Catholic teaching, they often resist. People have been around confused priests for so long that many of them even think that the "error" is correct. It is an uphill battle.
Group together two often misunderstood issues, and you can guarantee that you will find even more potential for misunderstandings. In other words, when the Church chooses to allow a man who is married to become a priest, then there are likely going to be people who will have mistaken notions of what that balance is supposed to look like. I am sure that I have not encountered every single possible error in this regard, but I have seen quite a few. Recently I encountered one where someone took the protestant stance on pastoral ministry and claimed it was the Catholic position. I am not sure just what created the confusion but the individual really did not know how to deal with it.
Personally, I am not an advocate of opening the doors to a larger married priesthood, and I hope that they do not make any special allowances for more married priests any time in the near future (maybe 1000 years from now?). I have said this before, and nothing has changed for me. Not everyone is able to deal with how the married priesthood plays out in the parish setting. The wife and children of a priest are not "just like every other family". They are always viewed differently from the rest of the parish; many Catholics are not sure that a priest's wife and children are actually "human" (!). Yes, they generally have lives like other people do, but it is hard for parishioners to understand how to relate to them and often can take many years for someone who is accustomed only to celibate priests to grasp the whole dynamic.
Furthermore, how a priest relates to his flock when he has a family at home is very sensitive. He needs to be a father to the parish, and he can only do this if they see that he loves his family, but also that he will be there for the parishioners just as quickly and readily as a celibate priest. If the parish thinks his loyalties are divided, then he cannot minister well. It is something that takes time for some people to get used to, but everyone should know that it is not a "new" or a "liberal" thing. It is an old thing (really) and those today who wish to hijack the idea of married priests to encourage immoral changes in the priesthood are totally missing the idea. Those pushing in this direction really do not understand what they are asking for. Today's confusion about the family and priesthood is not the place or time to bring this about.
That relational aspect of a married priest with his people is a hard one to grasp. At times it can be tough to be both priest and dad to my own children; glory to God for giving me the grace to do so. Yet in learning the proper way to deal with this, it has shown me that the comparison of dad to priest is more similar than many people want it to be. Not everyone wants their priest to be a "father" in the sense that the Church encourages. They want someone to be a hired hand who says the Mass and never challenges them on anything. This is the protestant way of thinking (trust me, I have been there).
Just like parents should not be "friends" to their children, so also a priest should not be a "friend" to his parishioners (he can never play "favorites"). He should, as I said above, be a "father" to them; to lead them, help them, correct them, and teach them. Put those two roles together (physical parent, and spiritual father) and it is a tough balance to keep. I am not asking for sympathy here, merely explaining that although it is the same priesthood, it is a bit of a different calling for those few married men who are called to serve as priests. By the grace of God my wife and children "get it" (they have been around my ministry since I served as a protestant minister), but that does not mean that everyone under my pastoral care will automatically "get it" unless they have been able to spend time around me and my family.
It is not something that everyone experiences, but the Church has always had married priests (even at the times that it existed only in the Eastern Catholic Churches), so we cannot say it is wrong. We can, however, say that it is not the norm; and that means that it is not necessary for everyone to "get it" (just as many people just do not get why the Divine Worship form of the Mass is important). I speak here not just for my own behalf, but also for my brother priests who are married. I know their struggles and I pray that their parishioners will be patient with learning how to relate to them.
I speak this to help prevent any idealistic ideas about the married priesthood. It is not for everyone (I have often told my brother priests who are celibate, "you guys can do it on your own, God knew that I need a little extra help"). It is a challenge--one that I rejoice to have been given, and am thankful every day for being called to serve--for the priest, his family, and his parishioners. Let us pray for those who are ministered to by married priests, that they would respect the unique role that they have; for the married priests, that they would be faithful in all their calling; and especially for the Church, that she would not make any bad choices about the consideration of married priests in the future. We should never attempt to solve one problem by creating another.
