"Love means never having to say you're sorry." Ryan O'Neal said it in the movie "Love Story" and popularized the phrase. Two years later, in a slapstick comedy O'Neal responds, when Barbara Streisand uses the exact same words, by saying, "that's the dumbest thing I ever heard". I agree with his latter assessment. If loving and being loved means never having to say sorry, then the definition of that kind of "love" is sad and pitiful. It amounts to the idea that we can just ignore problems and they will go away. Although there are many people today who believe this, it is an evil lie.
Ignoring our problems never makes them go away, but the philosophy behind this syrupy comment has taken hold in many people today; offenses do not get better if we ignore them, they get worse. I would like to change (completely) the phrase to, "love means you are willing to say sorry, and even go so far as to reconcile". Realize, please, that reconciliation is not the same as an apology. As I have said many times before, to say "I am sorry" is to apologize for a mistake; to say, "please forgive me" is to recognize you have sinned.
This bad attitude about relationships has caused numerous problems. I know of people who grew up in homes where no one ever said that they were sorry when they did something wrong. They certainly never went out on a limb and asked for forgiveness for their sins to one another. This is a dysfunctional family situation. A child growing up in that type of household will grow to care less and less for those around him. He is not being taught to be concerned for how he treats others, because a lack of the simple phrase "I'm sorry" means that we do not have to be sorry for bad things done. No, that may not be the intent of those who raise their children like this, but it is definitely going to be the result.
What makes this even worse, is that it has crept its way into the Church. It is bad enough for pagan or heathen families to live this way, but when Catholics do this it is a tragedy. Children who have little to no concept of what it means to apologize or reconcile, will find it terribly difficult to deal with relationships when they grow up. Furthermore, it is possible that many of those same children will grow up to abuse others (physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc.) precisely because they were never taught properly what it means to show concern and respect for other people.
To apologize or reconcile (depending on the nature of the offense) is to say, "I care about you". It is the proper manner in which we acknowledge that the person we are speaking to is made in the image of God and deserves a certain level of dignity (even if they have not actually "earned" that dignity). The apology or reconciliation is itself and act of love. Therefore, to imagine that because of love we do not have to apologize or reconcile, is self-contradictory (and thoroughly illogical).
Now imagine with me an entire generation or two who have been raised this way. They have been raised to think that apologies and reconciliations are merely unnecessary details of people who do not "really understand love". What would be the response of this group of people when they are told by a priest that Sacramental Confession is an absolute necessity? They would likely think to themselves, "since God loves me, and I love Him, I do not need to reconcile or say I'm sorry", and they would therefore skip reconciliation without even the slightest feeling of guilt.
This may not be the primary reason why so few accept the Church's teaching on the requirement of receiving the grace of confession (once a year is the barest minimum--without which the Catholic has no reason to hope for salvation!) but it clearly has a major influence on many. A lack of love leads to a lack of appreciation for what forgiveness means, and also for how much we need it. Do you feel confession is unimportant? Do you lack any desire to reconcile with God? Then it is likely because your love for the Lord has grown cold. If you truly love the Lord Jesus, then you will not be able to be at peace until you have been able to reconcile with him.
I have said it many times, and will continue to say it. Go to confession! Not merely because you are supposed to (though you are supposed to) but rather because it will help to grow your love for the Lord. Also, the grace provided in the Sacrament will itself help you to avoid the very sins that you are confessing. Do not misunderstand love; do not think that it "lets you off the hook". Just the opposite: true love for God will not allow you to feel comfortable until you have admitted your sin and received His forgiveness. That is how we grow in Christ. Go to confession!
