Being a family man, I often notice things in other families that are clear signs of trouble. When a family is out to eat at a restaurant, and none of them want to talk to each other = trouble. When parents ignore disagreements between children = trouble. When a child does not ordinarily respond with respect to his parents (like "yes sir" or "yes ma'am") = trouble. Another area that is trouble for a family is when they do not want to spend time together. How many meals do they eat together during an average week, and when they do eat together, how happy are they? Do they appreciate
opportunities to do things as a family?
A family that cannot sit in the same room without fighting, is clearly in trouble, but if they do not fight we must ask another more deep question. Do the members of the family actually want to be together, and do things with one another? The "strength" of a family can be proportionately determined by how much they want to be with one another as opposed to wanting to be with others outside the family. It is not wrong for someone to desire time with someone outside the family; let me make that perfectly clear--but how much do they desire it? Do the children want to be with others more often, and only tolerate it when they are with Mom, Dad, and their siblings? Are family members of the opinion that they need to be away from their own family?
Another factor in this is what happens when the children grow up and start their own families. Do they actively seek to remain near to where Dad and Mom live, or is it "no big deal" to move half way across the country? It is telling which they choose! No, I am not saying that children that move a distance from where their parents are automatically do not love their parents, but I am saying that the solidarity of a family can be seen by how close the children want to be when they "go out" on their own. Statistics show that families with extended family members near by, tend to remain strong and faithful to the Church because they have that support that is so crucial in daily life; someone you know and trust is nearby to help when you need it.
This truth should be obvious, and can be a helpful factor in determining the spiritual health of a household. Let us, then, take that same principle and apply it to the local Church parish. How much do the members of the parish want to be together? Do they appreciate spending time with the rest of the "Church family" or do they prefer to run out the door after Mass and avoid any social contact? Those who sneak out after communion (which is completely wrong to do) or who rush out right after the final blessing ("to avoid the rush in the parking lot") are showing their level of commitment to their parish community. Consider, as a side note, those who will move to another town because of a job, and do not even think about where the nearest parish is until after they are moved in. They are clearly more concerned with temporal things over spiritual. How much commitment to the community is seen in these types of behaviors?
Also, let us think about those who will leave a church and drive an hour to another parish because someone at their local parish "offended them" or the priest happened to love them enough to let them know that being impenitent is a bad thing. How much commitment is shown to that community? Little is done in those situations to reconcile, or to work through the problems. This behavior was probably learned at home by a lack of reconciliation, and by covering up various sins. Should we be surprised if the same behavior shows up in parishes and among clergy?
A family that actively is "avoiding" one another is a family that is not stable; so also with a Church. If the parishioners do not really want to be together outside the Mass (and only barely tolerate it in the Mass), then that parish is not stable, and is on the road to dissolving. Now some may say, "but we have an annual potluck where everyone gets together". That is somewhat comparable to an annual family reunion (which few actually enjoy, but they do it because it is expected of them). How close are you to people that you only spend face-to-face time with once a year? Certainly there are circumstances which may make it difficult for a family to join in regular fellowship with the other families in a parish, but if they really want to be together with them, then they will be working to overcome that.
Your parish family should be the people you really do not want to be without. Your home parish should be that group of people whom you are closest to because you share in the communion of Christ on a regular basis (hopefully weekly). That is where you should be seeking your friends and where you should expect to find your best community and fellowship. If this is not how you feel about it, then you should be looking into your heart to see just why you are adverse to the body of Christ.
As St. Paul said, no member of the body can say "I do not need you" to any other member; we are all parts of the body of Christ. The willingness with which we actively live that out by being a part of each other's lives, and the level of commitment we have to staying together is crucial. When times get tough (as they have lately) we need each other that much more. We need to know that we have a community of friends--a community of brothers and sisters--who are there for us, that we can be with to find support and encouragement in the faith. This is what it means to be the Church.
