Now the reason that I fear this is not just personal, it is much deeper than that. I fear it because it means that the gift of my wife will be gone, and I am not sure that I have the great gift of celibacy. Chastity to one's wife is obviously very different from chastity in a celibate life. My wife and I have a very traditional, smooth-working, relationship. Although we do not always see eye to eye, we have always been able to work things out. I have my place in the home and its activities and she has hers. This does not mean that I will be unable to cook a meal, but that when you are used to someone's presence it is hard to get used to their absence.
In spite of what we are reading about in the news, there are a large number of priests who have been given the gift of celibacy and are faithful to that calling. Not all have fallen the way that the secular media wants you to think. These men truly have this gift, and I have deep respect for them. Their calling has a different kind of self-control than does the calling of marriage. They have willingly accepted to sacrifice something--which I know firsthand is a great joy--for the sake of the Kingdom of Christ.
So I am concerned about the differences that exist there. Celibacy is not just a "rule" enforced upon most priests; it is a genuine gift that God grants. We think of things wrongly if we believe that getting married is a gift whereas being celibate is just a burden (it is our modern sex-obsessed society that has put that idea in our heads). That is certainly not how our Lord viewed things. When Jesus pointed out the requirements for faithfulness in marriage, the Apostle responded with frustration:
The disciples said to him, 'If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is not expedient to marry.' But he said to them, 'Not all men can receive this precept, but only those to whom it is given' (Matt 19:10-11).Do you see those last words? "To whom it is given." It is given to some to have this state in life, for they have been gifted by the Lord. It is not given to others to have that state in life. For a few rare priests (as myself), it is given to have the state of marriage and the state of holy orders. Yet, each is a gift; given by God to enable one to fulfill the calling he has in life. This is my calling; my brother priests have the same calling but with different gifts and circumstances.
One of the grave errors that appears to have occurred in the vetting process for seminarians, is a failure to distinguish this. Rather than verifying that they had the "gift" of celibacy, they seem (at least in some instances) only to have checked whether they are willing to practice celibacy. The two are not the same thing. To allow a man with homosexual inclinations to come into seminary is, in itself, a foolish idea (aside from the ecclesiastical prohibition of it). It is comparable to a heterosexual man being made to live in a girl's dormitory and share the bathroom with them; his self-control will be difficult to maintain. Yet, to bring any man into the priesthood who is willing to practice celibacy, but does not actually have the gift of celibacy, is putting a man into the "near occasion of sin". Not good; not right.
Take for example an 18 year old virgin girl. She is maintaining chastity, but desires to get married. She is in the "state of celibacy" but does not likely have the gift of celibacy. Were she suddenly to be told that she had to maintain that state, she may be able to do so, but you would not want to place her in a situation that will be a temptation to her.
If we could ensure that this distinction could be maintained as a definite practice in the vetting process for seminarians, then we may be able to overcome much of the problems that we are experiencing today. Not because it is a better policy, but because it is the proper means of spiritual formation for someone planning to enter the priesthood. That is truly what we are aiming at, is it not: holiness? For if our only concern is "never let it happen again" and we put no effort into better spiritual formation, then it will happen again.
