I am going to say something that might be a bit shocking (especially for anyone who knows me personally). In eternity I will not be saddened by the fact that my wife and I are no longer married. Boom! There it is. For those who know me and my wife you likely know that we have a terrific marriage and that our bond has only grown stronger every year. Like a good wine, our marriage is aging well. So it might be a surprise to think that I will not miss our marriage.
Of course, I need to qualify that statement. Would I miss her if I never saw her after I die (assuming only one of us perseveres in the faith and goes to Heaven)? Absolutely; she has been a wonderful helpmate and encourager in my life (and especially in my ministry). I would willingly be condemned if I knew it would enable her to spend eternity with Christ (cf. Romans 9:3). I am not saying that I do not like her, or that I do not have a great love for her as my dear bride. I am, however, saying that our love is as strong as it is precisely because she is not the one I love "more than anyone else", nor am I the one that she loves "more than anyone else". We have built our marriage on the fact that our goal is to love Christ more than anyone else.
When the Sadducees asked Jesus about how marriage works in Heaven, He told them that they did not understand the Scriptures. Explaining that things are different than we think, He said that "when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven" (Mark 12:25). Jesus makes it clear that marriage is an earthly experience; this is why the marriage vows say "till death us do part". It is also why a widow can remarry. We cannot know exactly what Jesus means by "like angels", but--at the very least--it has the connotation that we will not be walking around in Heaven depressed because we just want our spouse back.
If I love my wife more than I love Christ, then I "cannot be His disciple" (cf. Luke 14:26-27). We cannot set aside these words of our Lord as though they did not apply to us; especially when the greatest commandment says that we must love Him, "with all our heart, soul, and mind" (in other words, more than anything else). If we love anything, or anyone, more than we love Christ, then we are idolizing that person or thing. In fact, loving the Lord before all other things, actually helps us to show love properly to other people (including our spouses).
Now some of you reading this may be saying, "I know what you mean, father, and I do love Jesus, but I love my spouse a whole lot!" How much is "a whole lot"? If you cannot imagine eternity without that person as your spouse, then you very well may be loving that person too much and not loving the Lord enough. When speaking with people, I often notice certain earthly attachments (and there are so many of them around these days). If I get the opportunity, I will ask people if they can give up that attachment for the sake of the Lord. Most will say "yes", but do so hesitantly. I have never once asked anyone whether they were too attached to a spouse; though I have wondered a few times if it were the case.
We often hear a homily about spouses needing to love one another, and we know that many marriages have trouble because the husband and wife lose their love for one another (which is always a conscious decision, and never an accident). Be clear about this: I am not telling you to stop loving your spouse. Yet, we hear almost nothing about loving someone too much. As I have said often before, the love of many has grown cold these days. When, however, our love (our proper, godly, love) grows cold, then we will always seek to redirect our love elsewhere, and that means we will always love the wrong things, or the right things in the wrong manner.
Therefore, I do not want anyone to go to my wife and say, "father said he doesn't love you all that much". Knowing her, she will likely say, "I'm sorry that you are confused, I will pray for you". In fact, she and I have already spoken about this (or I would not be writing this), and are in full agreement on the subject. Christ is our Savior; I am not her Savior, and she is not mine. The same truth applies when it comes to our children or our friends. As much as parents love their children, and friends love one another, they each must love the Lord more, whatever happens in this life.
As we say in every Divine Worship Mass, "Hear what our Lord Jesus Christ saith: 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets'." Love God with your whole being, and love your neighbor (including your spouse) as yourself, but never love them as much as you love God.
