Children, however, are not dogs or cats. I am sure that you can find certain similarities in the behaviors of dog or cats with children, but that is not what I am referring to here. There is something else that I am considering that is much more significant. It seems that many parents today have the idea that their children will behave either like cats or dogs. I do not think that this is an intentional decision of the parents. Rather I think that it is some sort of default behavior that most are not even conscious of. Let me point out a few details.
The parents that treat their children like "dogs" are those who expect them to be just fine after they train them just a little bit and then can let them go on their own. Dogs, after all are pretty sturdy. They want to be loyal, but they also can get by just fine on their own when forced to do so. I believe that there are a few parents today in this category. On the other hand, the parents that treat their children like "cats" are those who believe that their children have to be left always to "decide for themselves" and just hope they will make the right choices. In these days, it is fairly evident that there are many more parents in this category than in the previous.
When I want my cat to do something, there are few behaviors that she will follow through with, but it is usually based on her awareness that she is going to get something out of it for herself. It is virtually impossible to teach a cat just about anything unless they already want to learn it. All cat owners know this for a fact. Yet, children can learn, and if they learn rightly, they will retain those truths for their entire lives (cf. Prov 22:6). Some have said that it is impossible to train a child perfectly, so you just "hope for the best". This is a denial of the clear testimony of the word of God.
I once had a parent tell me that his 3 year old would not let him teach him how to sit still. I asked, "he won't 'let you'?" After all, this dad was easily 180 pounds, and his 3 year old was about 30 pounds! How can he say that his child "would not let him"? I have raised five children of my own, and I know what it means for a child not to want something. Yet, the child is not the head of the household, and he does not have the power or the authority to tell the parent not to do something. Sometimes parents do not want to go through the hassle of training a child, but that is not because of the child; it is the parent's choice.
If a child is doing something wrong then the parent has the ability and the authority to step in and "train" him so that he can make a better choice in the future. If the child does not listen to the instruction, then proper discipline is necessary (cf. Prov 23:13), but accurate instruction given to the child in love will have great impact on his behavior. Cats, as most people know, are not very good at being disciplined. I am not sure whether they just refuse to learn, or are actually unable to learn; but children can learn, and can often learn much more than parents think (and sometimes are learning when we do not really want them to!).
I am not encouraging parents to abuse their children or be cruel to them. In fact, it is more cruel to allow a child to descend deeper and deeper into sin, than it is to help him out of it! It is completely possible to train children in the life of holiness without ever being hateful or abusive. Yes, at times they need discipline (and discipline should be more than a "tappity tap" on the wrist) but it does not mean that a parent has to cause physical harm to bring a godly and loving discipline. Nor does it mean cruelty to insist (with loving firmness) that a child stop sinful behavior and turn instead to the path of righteousness.
To leave a child to "decide for himself" and just hope that he stops doing something bad is essentially rejecting God's grace that He promises to provide the parent who obediently seeks to train up his own children. God has made the parents (every parent) the "first teachers" of their children, and has given them the grace to be able to guide their children in the right way if they will just take proper advantage of it. In addition, when a child is left to "decide for himself", it will not only cause problems for him while a child, but it will cause problems when he grows older as well. Life does not allow us always to decide for ourselves; we all know that. How often do you "decide for yourself"? In many things in life, we are unable to decide for ourselves. To lie to a child about how life works--that is cruelty! Prisons are filled with people who insist on the freedom to decide for themselves in everything. Is that where we want our children to end up?
Children are not cats; we are not to throw up our hands saying "what can you do?" as though we as parents have been forced to let them go along in life and make all their own choices. Children are not dogs; we are not to presume that whatever they go through in this life, that things will turn out right in the end. We are called to step in a help them turn the course of their lives on the right path. As it says in the Scriptures:
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother (Prov 29:15).Children should not be "left alone"; especially when they are falling into sin. They need guidance (specific and clear guidance) as well as boundaries (specific and clear boundaries) in order to follow that path which the Lord has laid out for them; and they need this from their earliest years. I have seen numerous 1 year old children learn how to have self control, even to the point of being able to close their eyes, hold their hands together, and remain silent during a prayer that lasts for a minute or two. I have seen 1 year olds learn complete self control while at the dinner table; it is not impossible. Only proper and loving instruction can teach things like that; and if a child that young can learn things like this, then how much can children who are even older be able to learn? Do not assume too little of their abilities. They are God's creations who can learn much!
If you want a dog or a cat, get one. Children are not, however, dogs or cats. They cannot be raised like them, nor can we presume that they will respond like them. It is cruel to presume that children are no better than brutes, and when parents do this, they are leading the children to behaving like brutes when the are adults. Today we live in a brutish society, with many people behaving more like animals than like people. Let us as good Catholics stand out as different. Let us raise our children to be shining lights of faithfulness in a world of darkness; children who have been trained to love God and love neighbor. This is what we are called to do.
