As happens so often, at this point we should clarify our terms. What does it mean, technically, to be "offended"? In the Bible, "to offend" someone means "to cause to sin". It does not mean to be personally annoyed and emotionally hurt by someone's actions or words. In fact, the biblical term and the modern usage are two completely different issues. In the Bible we read things like "cause no offense", which does not mean "be nice" to others; it means to do nothing that would lead another person to sin. Although causing someone to be emotionally hurt can often lead to them sinning, these two situations are not the same thing.
Therefore, to arrive at the original subject of this post: let us discuss "offending someone" (in the sense of hurting someone's feelings). I would like to lay out for you, the three easiest ways to make your children into "jellyfish" (i.e. those who are constantly hurt by other's behavior). [Please take note of tongue in cheek at this point!]
- Method #1: Give good example by your own behavior. In this method, which takes the least effort, one should merely behave as a jellyfish; children will follow suit very easily. If you are regularly griping about co-workers, bosses, neighbors, politicians, relatives, and friends, then you are off to a good start. It may be difficult if you are not already doing this, but one can easily begin this behavior by examining every detail of another's actions and finding the most insignificant things to complain about. Be sure, however, that you always do this in front of your children (and throw in a cuss word now and then for good measure). Once this has become a regular behavior, you have accomplished the majority of the task. Next, all you need to do is to "show your offendedness" by holding on to it and never forgetting it. Allow yourself to become bitter enough to bring it up in regular conversation (daily if possible). Your children's jellyfish-like behavior is almost guaranteed.
- Method #2: Make sure your children never have any challenges in life. This second method takes a bit more effort, but once mastered it is even more effective than the first. With this second method, the parent should do everything possible to ensure that the children believe at a very early age, that life is handed to them on a silver platter, and that the world owes them something (it does not matter what they think the world owes them, and is often better if you leave it vague so that they can apply it in every situation they encounter). If a difficulty arrives that you cannot eliminate, then make sure that you just take it upon yourself so that they are never stretched and never acquire the ability to endure any hardship. Keep this up for the first 10 years or so of his or her life and you can be assured that they will become jellyfish by the time they are 15 or 16. Your children will definitely be furious at every person (teacher, police officer, etc.) who tells them to do something they do not like, and might even consider filing lawsuits against them at the earliest possible convenience. Make it a special goal to teach them the phrase, "who are you to tell me what to do?"
- Method #3: Stand up for them in front of others and say that they are right, even when everyone knows that they are wrong. Although this third method can be used by itself, and is often very effective, it also works well as a supplement to the first two (especially considering that it depends on the actions of others, and cannot be instigated solely by the parent). Did little Johnny do something wrong in front of others? Laugh at it and say something like "what can you do?" (making sure to shrug your shoulders with a facial expression of confusion). Another tactic is to respond to other's criticism of your child by making sure that you express personal offense and raise your voice; flailing of arms often helps to emphasize your seriousness. This type of response helps the child to think of himself as the most important person in the world, and prevents him from ever imagining that he would have to do something like repent, say he is sorry, or (oh no!) go to confession (especially if he already went years ago when before he received first communion)!
All right then; so I am being a bit sarcastic (just a bit). Yet, modern society does seem to be intentionally trying to raise children to be unable to handle adversity and remain in a constant state of offense. It is as though people want to find a reason to be offended and victimized so that they can get others to feel sorry for them. This is a pitiful sign of extreme insecurity. What can we as parents do to overcome this? We certainly do not need to go overboard and make our children miserable or never show them compassion. Yet, I believe that some children are being raised with a constant diet of "prideful self-indulgence".
What happens when we turn our children into "jellyfish" like this? They find it difficult to forgive. They hold grudges. They live in a dream-world of entitlement. This is a childish kind of behavior that usually can be eliminated from a child with good loving discipline by the time they are 2 or 3 years old (yes, 2 or 3--it is possible!). Children like this grow up to have problems keeping a job; they feel attacked whenever someone offers them constructive criticism. In short, they become self-centered people who are more a liability to those around them than anything else. The majority of people who live like this usually contribute nothing to society of any good.
There was a time years ago when the Catholic Church spoke openly about the grave sin of being "permissive parents"; not much about it today. Can we turn the tide? Can we find that proper balance so that the coming generation will stop being offended at everything and learn how to "turn the other cheek" (a forgotten virtue)? Is it possible to teach our children the importance of overlooking an offense and seeing that "love covers a multitude of sins"? Let us seek to overcome the world's petty attempts at bolstering its own pride, and instead find strength in godly humility; thereby showing to the world the patience and wisdom of Christ.
