There is apparently this young woman who made a list of "demands" for her fiance, and someone posted it online for all to see. The list sounds like the young lady may be dealing with some control issues. "I can inspect your phone anytime I want", and "you will not spend more than 15 minutes per day with your friend", are a few examples. Of course, there are people all over the web commenting about it and calling her a future "bridezilla". Yes, at this point she is probably mortified to know how many people are talking about her in such derogatory terms (or maybe she does not care?).
I find it interesting, however, when I read the actual comments that people are giving right now. They center mostly on how the woman was demanding that he do certain things, and they were saying that he should be allowed to have his freedom. Well, I agree that she did go overboard in what she was insisting on (some of it almost screamed off the computer screen), but I am more annoyed with the responses than I am with the woman's demands. The majority (I did not spend the time to read them all) are concerned with the fact that she was demanding things of him. I cannot perfectly interpret their hearts in this, but "don't tell anyone else what to do" was clearly being demanded by most of the commentators I read.
Do you see the internal contradiction? To demand that someone else not demand anything, is, to say the least, problematic. Here we have a typical example of the world's understanding of romantic relationships. Although people know that we are not living in the 1960's, they still want to have as much "free love" as they possibly can. There is still the concept in their minds that when it comes to relationships that everyone should be allowed to do whatever they want, and that to demand something of another person is stifling.
Consider this for a moment: what if I demanded that you not take a drink of something that I know has poison in it? Am I being "demanding"? I am pretty sure that most people would acknowledge that am looking out for the well being of another person in that scenario. It would not be considered (by most) to be intrusive. So then, in principle, it is not wrong to "demand" something of other people when you are seriously concerned with their very lives.
Let us take that one step further. Is it wrong for parents to demand a certain type of behavior from their children when it comes to romantic relationships? I know most of my readers would say "no" but there are many Catholics out there who will let their children go on "dates" with nothing more than "be back by midnight, and don't get into trouble". It is sort of like saying "go ahead and have a sip of poison, just make sure that you have the antidote nearby". What is good and proper for Catholic parents when it comes to their children dating? Did you know that the Church still uses the standard terms of "courtship" (which is not just an old word for dating) and "betrothal" (which is also not just an old word for getting engaged) in many of their official documents? There is a reason for this.
Courtship (where there are more specific boundaries and very clear goals for the relationship) is being recognized by more and more Catholics as the more godly way of allowing young adults to consider the married state. The rules will vary from family to family, but the essential rule is that the young couple not be the ones to "call the shots" on what the boundaries are. Firstly, it should come from the law of God and, secondly, it should be applied by the father of the young lady (oh no! someone is demanding things!). If the young man is not willing to control himself and submit to the young lady's father, then he is probably not good marriage material (to make it clear).
If we have rules in the marriage relationship, and those rules are taken from God's word and applied by the Church, then in the same way we should be able to have rules in those relationships that lead to marriage (or are supposed to). When you consider how the dating culture (whoever, whenever, wherever, whatever, however) has taught a few generations of people how to marry, divorce, get over it; marry, divorce, get over it; marry, divorce, get over it (ad nauseam), then you can see that something different needs to happen. It should be obvious to all that the way it has been done for the last few decades is not working. There is much material out there on the Catholic understanding of traditional courtship, but however it is implemented, let us all see that we are working to protect the future of the family itself.
