What does a good father look like? Now, when you read that question, what type of "father" did you have come to mind? Were you thinking of a "biological" father or a "spiritual" father? Maybe both? There is a reason that the Catholic Church chose long ago to follow the example of St. Paul and use the term "father" for priests (e.g. 1 Corinthians 4:15--which, by the way, proves that St. Paul did not take Jesus' words in Matthew 23:9 literally). They wanted to acknowledge that the "fatherly" aspect of ecclesiastical leadership is essential.
So then, once again, what does a good father look like? It should be obvious that a good father will have similar traits whether we are speaking about biological or spiritual. There are four essential areas (not in order of importance) that I would like to propose as necessary behaviors for a good father. First, he will communicate to his family well. Second, he will show them how to reverence the Lord. Third, he will lead them firmly but gently. Fourth, he will prove to them that he loves them.
The first trait means that a priest will make sure that his homilies are clear, and helpful. He will spend time to prepare what he says, and never be satisfied with a cheap and careless personal commentary. For a dad, this means that he actually has to talk to his family. Yes, that may be a challenge for some out there, but imagine where we would be now if our Heavenly Father did not take the time to talk to us (!). Children whose fathers do not communicate well with them, are not going to be able to communicate well with others. I remember a child who was once falsely diagnosed with autism; it turned out that his "issues" were all due to bad examples he had learned from his father.
The second trait implies that a priest will celebrate a deeply reverent Mass for his "children". Only a proper understanding of our relationship with God will enable us to grow in righteousness. If we have a wrong view of the Lord (which will always be the result of irreverence) it will prevent us from relating to Him rightly. The manner that a priest celebrates Mass (which may be as simple as just obeying the rubrics--which seems to be rare today!) will determine how his people see the Lord. Likewise this means that a dad will choose a parish where the Mass is fully reverent and that he will also encourage that reverence in the rest of his family's practices (e.g. never allow children to say "oh God!" as an exclamation--it is taking the Lord's name in vain).
The third trait says that a priest needs to be a leader, not just a rubber stamp. One of the things that a priest is (supposed to be) trained to do is to guide a parish. His guidance must be clear (wishy washy priests are a plague on the Church) and his people must be able to have a good idea of what he expects of them. Yes, they will need to ask questions at times, but if they never know where he is at on any given subject, he is not leading; he is abdicating. Dads are no different. They should be firm and yet gentle in their leadership. Standing idly by while sin is going on and saying "what can you do?" is not what it means to be a dad. There are times when they need to rebuke, times when they need to correct, times when they need to encourage, but since (contrary to popular belief) the Catholic Church still says that the man is the head of the home, the dad always needs to lead.
The fourth and last trait is actually the hardest. Notice that I did not say that a father needs to "love his family" but that he needs to "prove his love" to his family. It is easy to say "they know I love them", but that is just a way of avoiding actually doing something that is directly loving in a way that they see it. Love is not something that we can just hold in our hearts. It is something shown by actions. For a priest, it means he will always be available for his people. He must be willing to sacrifice himself for their well being. A dad is no different. He is not called to be a dad so that he can make himself happy, but so that he can lead his wife and children to Christ, and they will not follow if they do not genuinely believe that he loves them unconditionally.
So, whether it is the father of a parish, or the father of a household, he must be a good father. Fathers have been attacked by the devil, and many of them are absentee fathers (both priests and dads!). It is time for a change in this pattern, and if dads in the home will work to be godly fathers as I have described above, then their sons will feel encouraged to be priests who will also be good fathers. We have our share of "bad fathers" in the clergy; those men who have harmed (physically and spiritually) their parish children (adult and minor) have created even more confusion about the priesthood than already existed. Let us turn the tide and work to return to holiness.
